Born 1955 in Harrisonburg, Virginia 
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Chapter One
The Early Years
I was born in a log cabin I helped my father build. When I was five, my Dad met a person who would change my life forever – my Mother. At any rate, I never played in the streets of Harrisonburg like all of my little friends and never went to school and attended parties. This could be because my parents moved to Orange, Virginia. I really liked school. Third grade was three of my favorite years.
It was there that I was exposed to the fine culture and scholastic examples of the Master, Spike Jones. Here he is pictured with some of the Yo-Yo’s in his band, most notably Freddy Morgan and Sir Frederick Gas. Soon after I decided that a life in the Arts would be perfect for a unique personality as mine.

John Phillip Sousa had an opening for the lead trumpet player and so I toured with the band until the final concert that was to claim J.P.’s life and break up the band. It was a marathon concert and ultimately claimed the lives of all of the players – you see, they played the “Stars and Stripes…. 
…wait for it…

…forever.” That’s me, with the funny hat. I finally earned enough money to live in the style I was growing accustomed to and moved into the Wampler Estates and renovated the old mansion as it was when the Wampler’s ruled the North American Continent. 

One thing led to another and before I knew it, My neighbors threw me a welcome party - but the Tar and Feathers were not to my taste, so I decided to travel the world and discover new lands, meet new people, slay them and steal their possessions and set sail one blustery day on the good Ship Lollypop.

Along the way, I met many lovely women like Carly Simon who threw them selves at me…

But missed…

Be here for the next installment as I describe my youthful innocence and how I achieved fame and fortune only to throw it away to teach America’s youth.

Part II