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Last Updated:
11.04.00

 

This is as true as any Chain Letter you ever received that will make you fabulously rich in ten days!

 The fact that I am not a household word across America is simply due to the fact that I have been accidentally edited out of pictures, movies, and television.  At first, I thought it was deliberate and a plot by someone jealous of my good looks and screen personality, but my research has indicated that is just plain bad luck.  

For instance, guess who was sitting next to Elvis when this picture was taken?  Just seconds later, I spilled a scalding cup of hot coffee on him prompting him to leap up, and exclaim,

 “I’m all shook up!”

 and then grind his hips around in pain.  It’s been history after that, folks, but did I get the credit I deserved?  No way, I got sent to Aura Lee, Michigan!  He didn’t love me tender at all.  I didn’t hold a grudge, though, I even gave him my blue suede shoes…

 These guys didn’t wait for the walk light and just stepped out into traffic!  I told them to wait, but they left like they were late to a revolution.  But I said to myself, “Let it be.”  They’ll probably get lost in an octopus’s garden.   Had I only followed them and jaywalked… 

 “Hey,” I said.  “Quit elbowing me!  Otherwise it’s gonna be a hard day’s night.”

I wonder if these guys amounted to anything?  My unerring musical instinct, honed to a razor sharp edge says, simply, “No way.”

 I really had to use the rest room (Ever try to find one on a space ship?) and Sulu told me, “Let me just hold your place for you.”  He was the set gofer until he took my spot (and my job).

 “Wait just a minute until I get my canteen.  I’m really thirsty!”  Next thing you know, they changed the title from “The Good, The Bad, the Handsome, and the Ugly!”  Now that you know the story, you can boycott all of these people, right? 

 “Hey, Jim.  Let me get your shirt so you don’t catch a chill.  Tell the photographer to wait till I get back.”  Same old story…

 So I finally got back with the shirt (Years later, I admit) and while I was getting my guitar, guess who had hogged the spotlight???

 …sitting to Hans Solo’s left…

 …Leah was looking at me at the time…She had a thing for me, but I was a married man and my wife had a gun – a double deterrent.

 Let me see your prettiest smile and then I’ll step into the picture…Hope you sail off the edge of the world on the good ship lollypop… 

 …sat on a thorn and while I was having it removed, they shot the whole movie (It was a big thorn). 

 “Let me put the lid up and I’ll be right back, Ray.”  Hey, thanks for waiting. 

 “Hold on Bill, I’m interviewing a young lady about a job as a White House intern, you should meet her.  She’s a knockout in that blue dress!”  This was a bad thing to do, huh?

 Well, I believe this about sums up why I am not a household word.  But, I’m better than that – I AM A BAND DIRECTOR – It just doesn’t get better than that.

 Stay tuned to my saga, as I describe my (TRUE!) story of attempted world wide domination, how I became a Risk! Ubar and maybe even some true tidbits about myself.  I can only be satisfied that I am probably the only person who has read this bio!  At least I have a great imagination! 

 Coming up –

 Chapter 6 – TITLED:  “Why isn’t there a Chapter 5?”

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